Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
