they said they heard you say put it in my butt
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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