I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
