I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
