My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
