Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
