Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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