I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
When did angry sex become our thing?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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