how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just pee around me
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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