Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You can't just leave with hair like that
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
