what if every blade of grass was a penis?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
