He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
