Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize