She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
