I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
