If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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