I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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