You're my little dorito
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
