For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
