you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
