ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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