Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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