Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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