is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
