One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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