Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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