i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
