Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
