so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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