Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
