NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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