whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
