Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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