mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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