dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
