and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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