Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
