It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
A+ Viking dick
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
