every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
