I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
