handjob tips. give me some.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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