Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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