i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
