Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You ruined the universe
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
