so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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