Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
