well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
