I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
