Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
