It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
