Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
