hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
