Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
