I'm so fucking centered right now
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
