God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My balls are so social today.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
