we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
