Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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