I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
if only i could text you this smell
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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