If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
