dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
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