a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Randomize
